


the truth runs wild (like a tear down a cheek)

by nalaska



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, One Shot, clary is pure sunshine, it could've been merlion instead of simon I guess, it's too late now, izzy deserves nice things, jace and alec love their sister a lot, past sizzy, simon is a dick in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 18:20:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7064974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nalaska/pseuds/nalaska
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Izzy is broken and finds her way back. Jace, Alec and Clary are there too (mostly Clary though).</p>
            </blockquote>





	the truth runs wild (like a tear down a cheek)

**Author's Note:**

> Just un-betaed angst really. I blame troy sivan.
> 
> Title from the song 'heaven' by him .
> 
> (Also, flashbacks aren't chronological in order)

Izzy. Izzy, easy. Izzy: easy? 

 

There is a warm presence against her back and another swaying in front. She wants, and she gets. 

 

Izzy the girl with the big eyes and and long hair, she makes boys tremble and girls dance. She’s summer hot and autumn warm. 

 

Izzy. Easy. 

 

There was a boy. With sharp teeth and framed glasses, sipping his drink quietly. In autumn, leaves fall. 

 

_Easy_ , she fell. _Easy,_ holding hands _. Easy,_ sharing dinners, sharing a bed, trading stories, laughing, crying, _loving_ , fucking, not fucking, sitting in content silence, watching, hugging, kissing. 

 

There is a coolness in autumn as well. She twirls and sways, staring eyes following her every turn.

 

_Easy,_ living her behind. Breaking up, cheating, avoiding calls, cheating again. Easy: breaking her. 

 

Leaves fall and are thrust away by cold winds. This is a wind with a name. _RS,_ blinking on Simon’s phone. _‘No one, just work.’_

 

Black hair and a frigid glance make _RS_ someone.

 

She moves to the music, thrusting hips and roaming hands. Two bodies dancing, three bodies getting into a cab, one leaving the next morning. _Easy._

 

Her brothers are worried, they come by more weekends than not and try to get her out of the apartment. She assures them she’s fine and sends them away with a kiss and leftovers. She’s gotten out of the apartment enough, and if she lets that part out for her brothers, she’s still fine. Or so she tells her self when she sends Alec straight to voicemail for the sixth time. The bitterness of winter pushes autumn away.

 

_‘It’s not healthy’_

 

_‘Hm?’_

 

_Incoming call: RS_

 

_‘You. Working all the time, it’s not healthy.’_

 

Izzy _becomes_ easy. She lets herself be guided by strangers, used as a subject of lust. It’s different from collage, Jace notices. They’d both go out and hook up with unfamiliar faces. Just for fun, for the thrill of it. Now, she uses and guides, and takes what she can on an attempt to find what has been taken from her. ‘It’s not healthy. It can’t be.’ she hangs up. 

 

_‘This is my first real job Izzy, it’s important.’_

 

_Incoming call: RS_

 

_‘I have to take this, we’ll talk later’_

 

She becomes invested in her work. Spends more time in the lab than she has in the last year, researching, experimenting. She might actually get somewhere this time. Who knows how many people she would help if she succeeds. Work gets her through the next couple of weeks.

 

As she is stepping out of the lecture hall one morning, she bumps into the professor with a girl in tow. She introduces herself as a new TA, and Izzy says she’s relieved she can now split the workload. _Easier,_ she thinks. 

 

The boys still worry, but they trust her. 

 

_‘I had never said that to anyone’_

 

_‘It’s okay. You trust me.’_

 

_‘I love you.’_

 

_‘Me too, Iz.’_

 

It’s late when they finish marking, she and Clary had agreed to help each other with their own work while grading papers. They’d stayed on the library after office hours. Working so well in tandem for the last few hours that neither of them had realised the time. Izzy lives much closer to campus than Clary, so she offers her couch and a good breakfast. Clary accepts.

 

_‘Who is he, Si?’_

 

_‘Simon, answer the question. Please.’_

 

Clary is funny, and kind. She’s grounded, smart and great to work with. By the third week knowing her, sleepovers after work are a regular occurrence. They make a good team. One night, Clary tells her about her family and being an only child, Izzy tells her about her brothers. About all three of them. Izzy still blames herself for the accident, and she’s only ever said that to one other person before Clary. 

 

_‘I’m so sorry baby, I’m so fucking sorry.’_

 

_‘Just say it’s not true, that he’s just a friend. I’ll believe you.’_

 

_‘I’m sorry,’_

 

Clary becomes a permanent fixture in Izzy’s life, and she’s not complaining. She’s having dinner with her brothers the coming weekend. Alec will introduce them to his new boyfriend. She hasn’t asked her yet but guessing by how much time Clary spends in her apartment, she’ll be there to meet the new boyfriend as well.

 

_‘I don’t think Alec likes me very much.’_

 

_‘Oh, that’s just his face,’_

 

_‘Really? ‘_

 

When the boys arrive, Clary greets them by name. Both are taken aback, but pleased. Alec’s boyfriend is nice, very talkative. Seems to be as enamoured with Alec as Alec is with him, it’s good that he’s found someone so caring. 

 

‘ _We’re moving in together!’_

 

_‘Huh,’_

 

_‘Oh come on Alec. Izzy, that’s great’_

 

_‘Great? she’s been with him for three months’_

 

She has stopped going out, chose to focus on her work instead. They go to a friend’s birthday one day. Through the window, she’s watching a tree being shaken by the wind, a long branch fighting the gust. ‘How’s Simon?’ someone asks.

 

The branch breaks. 

 

Clary finds her twenty minutes later, sitting on the toilet lid breathing heavily. She holds Izzy to her chest and whispers, ‘it’s okay’ into her hair. She gets it. 

 

It takes another twenty minutes for Izzy to calm down, and it is in that small toilet on a cold Saturday afternoon where they kiss for the first time.

 

_‘it’s a joke to you isn’t it? We move in together, you say that you want me here and now-‘_

 

_‘I can’t just get rid of a thousand things because you need somewhere to put more clothes or whatever in!’_

 

_‘It’s not clothes. It’s my fucking taxes, term papers, insurance- things that I_ need _to be here. And no, I can’t put them anywhere else because your entire apartment is full of toys and x-men memorabilia’_

 

_‘my apartment?’_

 

_‘What?’_

 

_‘You said it, my apartment.’_

 

_‘Fuck you’_

 

Simon and Jace run into each other on a Thursday, there is no special handshake or effortless smiles. At least that’s what she hears from Alec, who comes by when Clary is making her lunch. Alec is usually hard on people -and it’s not that he wasn’t on Clary, but when he leaves, the worried look on his eyes is gone.

 

_‘It only happened one time ok? I was drunk,’_

 

_‘I don’t care!’_

 

_‘It didn’t mean anything, it will_ never _happen again. I swear.’_

 

_‘Get out.’_

 

‘Clary’s a dream’, she texts Jace one night. She looks through the window while Clary’s fast asleep. A dry leafless tree against the big winter moon.

 

_‘so you’ve been seeing that guy what? three, four times a week? Is it like a work thing?’_

 

_‘Iz, please’_

 

_‘No, I want to know. Clearly my_ boyfriend _likes to spend more time at “work”, than he does here-‘_

 

_Incoming call: RS_

 

_‘Two months.’_

 

_‘Months?’_

 

_‘I’ve been sleeping with someone else for two months.’_

 

It’s hard to trust again, it should be, Magnus says. But really, Clary makes it simple. _Easier._ They work, study, watch movies, cook and sleep together most nights. Clary is unlike anyone she’s ever been with. For one, Alec actually likes her, Jace notes. She listens, and rants and sometimes gets too high on coffee. Izzy feels safe. 

 

_‘I trusted you’_

 

_Incoming call: RS_

 

‘I love you, Iz.’

 

‘Don’t say that’

 

‘What? I do’

 

‘I just- It’s not-‘

 

‘It’s “not easy for you”. I get it, and it shouldn’t be. Just know that I love you and I’m here’

 

That night they are cuddled on the couch when Izzy says, ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m ready’. Clary smiles and brings Izzy’s hands to her lips. ‘I know’

 

_‘You can’t just mope around for the rest of your life Iz, I won’t let you’_

 

And so, the semester ends. Leaves have grown, birds are chirping again, friends throw garden parties, Magnus wears shorts and Clary moves in. They buy some new furniture, and organise their stuff to fit with each other’s. The place is theirs now more than ever. 

 

_'I'll try. Now put the movie back on'_

 

_'I'm serious'_

 

_'I know'_

 

_'Promise you'll get through this?'_

 

_'Promise, now press play'_

 

_'Who knows? maybe love's around the corner?_

 

_'That's it, just give me the remote'_

 

Not easy: trusting again. Being unafraid of heartbreak, leaning on someone, opening up. Easy: kissing, holding hands, sharing food, cooking for two, sharing a bed, laughing, making stupid jokes, making the other laugh. Easy, falling in love.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Turned out not to be as angsty as I thought, what did you think? Sorry for dick!Simon (canon simon is very precious) and for any other inaccuracies. Izzy and clary are grad students, and Izzy is working on a vaccine or something idk I’m pretty sure she finds the cure for cancer at some point. Thank you for reading!! Kudos and nice comments are much appreciated!  
> [THIS SONG](youtube.com/watch?v=gb3tL_U4az8)


End file.
